It’s Not A Big Deal

It is not a big deal.

They say the incident changed their lives forever.

They come years later to accuse successful people of stealing their peace, They claim that not speaking their truth keeps them longing for freedom.

They call themselves victims or survivors and I wonder why.

After all, it is not a big deal.

I remember her so well.

She came to me with tears streaming down her cheeks and a 4-year-old child in her hands.

I watched her as she narrated the story of how a man who seemed loving and kind had defiled an innocent child.

Describing walking into her home to find her husband violently thrusting into their child as heart-wrenching.

I just had to ask her why a father would do that, the story just did not add up. Was she searching for a way to leave a failed marriage?

Did she even consider what people would say if this story came out?

There was someone else.

She was young, smart and full of life. She used to have a beautiful smile until one day, she changed. She became dull, gloomy and sad.

5 years later, as they inaugurated our new CEO, a tall, dark, handsome man, she would tell me why.

She would tell about the first day he forced his tongue down her throat and shoved his fingers deep into her in his office.

She would say how she didn’t scream when he penetrated her because of fear and shock.

I asked her the obvious question, why did you wait for 5 years?

Why did you wait till he was successful?

The list does not end there.

A 14-year old chorister with a melodious voice and a pleasant smile and this time differed from the others. This time, I was there.

As usual, she came in a short dress to rehearsals and she blessed us with her voice until she stood up.

I watched him follow her as she walked into the toilet. It took a while but he finally came out with satisfaction all over his face

But she didn’t come out so I went to look for her I found her crying on the toilet floor.

All I thought was that dress was too short and it was her fault.

I never saw her at rehearsals after that day but sometimes I would see her in church and she was different.

She wore longer dresses and her smile had vanished. Her melodious voice was replaced with silence and her eyes always begged for help.

I would never forget the day I heard the news, A 14-year-old chorister had used a knife to slit her wrist.

She had written a note blaming the choirmaster for taking away her innocence.

She had described in detail how he had violated her She described how she fought, screamed and finally begged all to no avail.

And finally, she described how I walked in and chose to look away.

These women said they had horrible life-changing experiences

These women tried to speak up against their oppressors and you questioned their stories. You questioned their motive Instead of listening, you questioned them.

The mother wasn’t lying, she just trusted the wrong man

The CEO did take away happiness from your colleague’s eyes and life

A 14-year-old child should never be blamed for the inhumane actions of an adult man

So maybe they are not the problem, you are because you forget,

RAPE IS A BIG DEAL.